Posted in Humour++

Why did the chicken cross the road?

This is pretty old, now with Kenyan twist.

KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.

PLATO: For the greater good.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.

KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.


MARTIN LUTHER KING (JR): … I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives being called into question.

MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

OPRAH / TYRA: Why does a chicken cross a road? Was it molested while still a chick? I mean, what kind of upbringing did it have? We need to invite the chicken to a share with us what happened.

FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

GEORGE W. BUSH (JR): The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.

DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.

EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.

ISAAC NEWTON: Any chicken in the universe shall always cross a road perpendicularly to the side of the road, and in an infinitely long straight line at uniform speed, unless the chicken stops due to an unbalanced reactive force in the opposite direction of the chicken’s motion

NELSON MANDELA: Never again, will the chicken be questioned for crossing the road. This is an ideal for which I am prepared to die.

ROBERT MUGABE: For all of these years the road has been owned by the white farmers, the poor underprivileged chicken has waited too long for that road to be given to him and now he is crossing it in force with his fellow war veteran chickens. We intend taking over this road and giving it to the road less chickens so that they can cross it without fear of retribution from Britain who promised money to institute road reform. We will not stop until all road less chickens have roads to cross and the freedom to cross them.

Kenyan twist

ALFRED MUTUA: The chicken did not cross the road. And it is not true it was running away from the Kwekwe squad! What squad? This is a complete fabrication. We don’t even have a chicken! The government views these allegations seriously and will leave no stone unturned to establish the source of these rumors.

ANY KENYAN POLITICIAN: “From which tribe is the chicken? Our community has been marginalized for far too long – others have had their chance and it is now the turn of our chicken to eat!”

RAILA ODINGA: Both me and President Kibaki had been telephoned about the chicken. Si sisi iko na demokrasia na tunataka wacha kuku apite, sio? Si kuku tosha?! (Are we not a democratic country and let the chicken cross? Isn’t the chicken enough?!)

EMILIO MWAI KIBAKI: Kuku ilivuka pale pale, ikienda huko huko…….. na hilo ndio jambo la maana ….hakuna mambo ingine!…hakunaaaa… tutakataa namna gani ati kuku isivuke barabara …hatuweziii hao wanaendelea kuongea mambo ya kukuuu….ni wapumbavuuu… …..mavi ya hiyo kuku!!! (The chicken crossed there there, it went here here….and that is the matter of manner…and there is no other matter!..there isn’t….and we will deny how the chicken cannot cross the road….we cannot..and those who keep on talking about the matter of the chicken..are fools….they are chicken shit!!!)

KAJWANG: Our immigration system at the border point was down when the chicken entered out territory (laughs). We don’t even know who invited it! But we will deport it! However, we have no funds for its deportation.

SAITOTI: Let me tell you clearly (waving a finger in the air), there comes a time when a chicken is far more important than an individual.

JIMMI GATHU: Je, ilikuwa na mpaaaango wa kandooo? (Did it have a side business?)

PLO LUMUMBA: That an animal species of the poultry extraction was witnessed gallivanting, nay, actually sauntering contentedly across a motorway belies our preponderant propensity to keep on our wanton questioning of others’ motives.


Master Saanj

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